Though it was late, I measured out a cup of laundry detergent and shoved the clothes robotically into our front loader. My mind was traveling through Africa, Washington, California, England, and other parts of the globe, smothering heaven with prayer requests.
Lord, I am so burdened for _________. I can’t even imagine the suffering and physical torment she described in her e-mail. And then there’s ________. I don’t know how she lives with migraines every single day; lying in the stillness and silence of her dark room, indescribable pressing that keeps her from friends and family. You’ve also heard and held the tears of ______ while they are struggling with relentless hip pain.
And then, it was as though the Holy Spirit interrupted my pathway of intercession and repositioned my gaze on a friend’s face that’s been in heaven for seven years now. Mary Barrett was a very special friend in my life. She was not only a gifted singer and musician, but she was entrusted by the Lord with a special anointing that enabled people to easily enter into worship and feel as though they were near heaven itself. There was a holiness and peace and joy that would fill the air and humble a heart before God.
I remember times at an annual conference we would attend, that a group of people would be sitting in a circle around her, all with their own guitars, eager to learn whatever she would show them. But what was so attractive to others, was not something that could be learned or imitated. It was the invisible, touchable work of the Holy Spirit through her. After one conference in particular, I nicknamed her “Myrrh-ee”. I had read in quite a few places that though myrrh had its own fragrance, it was best used as an enhancer, so it’s often combined to bring out the full aroma of another. Her friendship and gift of music was like that to me; though she definitely had her own unique flavor and aroma, when she sang or spoke about Jesus, His aroma was all that you were aware of.
Why was I reminded of her Lord?
Then I thought of her final days here on earth. Mary was dying a very painful death from cancer. Some nights, the pain kept her awake, while others, were from the steroids to help her breathe. When she’d call on the phone, it was hard to hear her voice. She’d labor in her breathing, and sometimes only have strength to whisper. There were no more belly laugh’s. No more conversations with her while she drove her convertible Miata to pick up her little dog Charlie at her moms. But…”Myrrh-ee” could do nothing but enhance the Lord Jesus. And then I understood why her face interrupted my prayers.
In 2008, I was out in California for a pastor’s wives retreat, walking around the beautiful grounds of Murrieta, and felt an urgency to call Mary. She wasn’t having a good day physically, so I prayed for her and then began to weep. The feeling of helplessness, the distance, her pain, was overwhelming. Then she said this to me…
“Shannon, please don’t cry. The Lord has been revealing Himself to me in ways I never imagined. I cried out to Him the other day about all my pain and He showed me how He understood and has borne the unbearable for me. He showed me that when I have my migraines, He understands as He had a crown of thorns pressed deeply into His skull. When I find I am struggling to breathe, I saw Him on the cross, pushing Himself up on the one nail through His foot, to gasp for every breath. And on He went, revealing the Word and revealing His love for me. He suffered all I suffer, but so much more. One day, no more.”
It still springs tears…but then I hear these words she would sing at the end of nearly every pastor’s wives retreat. (I don’t know who did the recording)
The last time she sang this song at our pastor’s wives retreat, she whipped off her chemotherapy wig at the end and we all clapped endlessly. Yes, for her, yet ultimately, for King Jesus. The absolute Victor over all things hell could ever send our way.
So my prayers for pain pals across the globe, and down the street, and in my church, shifted focus. May we truly know Him more, trust Him deeper, be assured of His love, respond as feebly as we are able, and have our hearts and minds fixed on eternity. Where, “all our tears, be washed away.”
Here’s a link (that can lead to others) of her recording just a few weeks before her passing.
‘thank you for sharing this as it opened my heart to what a friend is dealing with in her war against cancer.
I’m so sorry Arturo. What a friend she has in you that you consider her and know how better to pray. May she know Jesus draws so close to the broken who call on Him and catches every tear when they cry.
Thank you for sharing Shannon. A helpful redirection for me in physical trials as well. His crushing comes only to release His fragrance; may I always remember, and look for it.
So many are going through hard physical trials. I’m sorry you are among the ranks Kathy. I’ll pray for you and your beautiful family. Sending love as well
Shannon I shared this a year ago and Facebook reminded of it this morning. I’m reminded of the ladies’ conferences at Grand Island and how sweet Mary always played that song before we all went our separate ways. Such encouragement! As I deal with some physical issues, feeling old too soon, and often being fearful of the future this brings me into focus. Reminding me of Who is ordering my steps, even the painful ones.
Thank you so much for sharing Berni. Pain always seems to come too soon, last too long, and take too much. But in Him, He redeems all things…even our suffering. Love your reflection and thankful it encouraged you.
Tonight I woke and couldn’t get back to sleep; burdened with the names of family that don’t know Jesus. Husband, son, daughter in law, 2 grandchildren. The song I must tell Jesus kept running through my mind. I finally got up to see if I could find a good rendition on YouTube. I found Mary Barrett. Then I wanted to know more about her and found your blog. What a beautiful soul she was – now in heaven many years.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts of friendship with Mary.
Looking forward to meeting both of you in glory someday.
Oh Nikki…it’s been years since I made a blog post and now, it’s been hacked into so many times, it’s not worth the effort. But I wanted to respond and let you know, for whatever reason your soul wanted to sing this song, and your heart sought out more about Mary…I’m praying for you this morning. I could fill many pages reflecting the gift our friendship was, but her legacy is that she helped others be “better.” In Christ, in calling, and towards others. God bless you.
Just finding this here, today, what a gift. Thank you, Jesus. Multi-tasking, I’ve been trying to get an email to Bill Gallatin for over 2 years now, plus trying to send a video song of Mary singing my all time favorite…”Quiet my mind, Lord”…which has been my melody of choice over the years. Met Mary in Syracuse when the Merritt Praise band came to our handful small starter church of CC way back in the early 90’s. Can’t wait to see & hug her and Rosemary Gallatin again. Peace in Jesus.
Hi Shannon,
I’m just one of those faces you may only recognize from conferences. It’s funny how I ended up here- I was looking up Mary Barrett because I felt nostalgic and I miss her and her worship, so I was looking her up. I found this blog not knowing it was yours at first! But then I saw your name at the bottom and realized I had actually been thinking of you just this morning. So of course I prayed for you, since that’s obviously what the Lord is trying to tell me!
I don’t know if you’ll see this since this blog is probably not something you keep up with any more (your last post is a beautiful one!) but maybe the Lord will get the message to you if you really need to hear it- especially as I imagine you continue to miss Scott, up there in heaven juggling all those babies and singing with Mary, I bet! Lol Anyway, before I say something wrong, I’ll say something I know is right:
Jesus still loves you like crazy. He will always continue to be your provider, husband, father, friend, and Savior. Even when all else fades, spoils, crumbles, things you never thought would fail- He won’t do that to you. And as you know, He doesn’t waste anything. He takes those things we lost, not because we took them for granted, not just because they get tangled up in our identity, but I think it’s because He’s always making something new. He loves to turn ashes to beauty.
Hello! I was notified through my email that someone had sent me a note…and how I thank you for your kind words and encouragement. The more that’s been lost here on earth, the more treasures from my heart have been transported to heaven. And my greatest treasure, unlike any other person on the planet, was my deeply loved husband. My tender hearted shepherd, compassionate best friend, and amazing father to our daughter. So thankful all our loved ones are whole, with our Jesus and no longer suffering…but oh, I miss them so.